In this Smackdown Special we compare the current era of MotoGP with the hated 800cc era. Which of them is the most collossal suckfest? Let’s find out.
No passing
The current era of aerodynamics and pole squat devices has degenerated into a snoozefest with virtually no overtaking. This has brought comparisons with the appalling 800cc era of MotoGP that ran from 2007 to 2011 and was better at inducing sleep than a pack of 48 barbiturates washed down with a litre of vodka (which was very tempting when you were watching an 800cc race).
Current era
MotoGP is dangerously close to sucking right now. The rise of aerodynamic wings means that riders can’t follow closely and overtake without making a massive lunge and probably crashing. It’s a bit like Formula 1, but without the riders being a bunch of dickless imbeciles who whine like spoilt little 5 year old girls when someone tells them to take their earrings out.
The 800cc era
There’s no question that MotoGP sucked in the 800cc engine era. Races were generally won by a margin of about 20 seconds, then the rest of the field would stream over the line at 10 second intervals. TV audiences plummeted, as anyone stupid enough to watch that kind of tedious garbage was already watching the F1 on another channel.
The bikes
Current bikes are ludicrous 300bhp, 220mph beasts. But thanks to the evil geniuses at Ducati, they have sprouted aerodynamic wings and suspension lowering devices. This has made them much more expensive and complicated, much to the joy of the 0.05% of fans who get off on that kind of nonsense. Unfortunately, if a bike is right behind another then its wings become as useless as Bradley Smith in the first 10 seconds of an endurance race, and very nearly as dangerous.
800cc bikes were horrible little things. The engines were stupidly peaky, revving to nearly 20,000 rpm, and that made them extremely difficult to ride. Even legends like Rossi, Lorenzo and Stoner got thrown 20 feet in the air and hurt after doing virtually nothing wrong.
The tyres
This year’s 2022 Michelin front tyre is atrocious. It has an operating window so small that you couldn’t do keyhole surgery through it. (Even smaller than the catflap that KTM install in their garages to let Dani Pedrosa come and go). Following another rider closely makes the front tyre pressure balloon to Hindenberg levels and the bike becomes unrideable. This mostly results in lowside crashes, like the million and twelve of them that happened at Le Mans.
The 800cc era saw the introduction of control Bridgestone tyres. The front was great, but the rear was pure, Max Biaggi type evil incarnated into a round hoop format. For instance, if a track was made of mostly right hand corners, then riders would have to push like hell around the occasional left handers. If they didn’t, then the rear Bridgestone would cool down so much in the following seconds that when they reached the next left hander it would spit them off in a vicious, off-throttle highside that would almost certainly leave them injured.
The riders
The current crop of riders are a good bunch. Pretty much all of them are likeable, and the riders who are going well in the championship, like Enea bestial*ty and Aleix Asparagus, are great guys.
Back in the 800cc era the top riders were the sour-faced, whingeing Casey Stoner and his equally sour-faced opponent Jorge Lorenzo, along with the nice until provoked Valentino Rossi. After a soul-destroyingly dull 800cc race, viewers would usually have to put up with either Stoner complaining bitterly and at great length about something that happened 45 minutes ago on the first lap, or one of Horhay Lorenzo’s try-hard Rossi rip-off celebrations.
Does current MotoGP suck as much as 800cc MotoGP?
No. Not yet, anyway. Nothing could be as bad as the 800cc era. It combined high technology with the kind of 5 minute winning margins that happened in the 1960s. However, this year’s cretinous aerodynamics and pole squat devices, combined with the hoop of junk that Michelin call a front tyre, have meant that current MotoGP is getting disturbingly bad. Overtaking is becoming an art form that is mostly confined to the various Superbike paddocks of the world.
What can be done?
It’s good that MotoGP is innovative. But MotoGP is currently innovating its head all the way up its own backside. Ban the wings and the suspension squat devices, ignoring the noisy protests of Ducati. And repeatedly boot Michelin in the crotch until they produce a decent front tyre.
